Well Hello again, to the non-existent readers out there ;)
Time really flies, its week 3 of spring break already! and its not actually a break, but more like a mug fest. I really dont know what's the problem with me. I have been so unproductive and slow. really slow. its even worse than a levels. and i dont know why i keep wanting to sleep. i get distracted easily. and there's just too much workload. and once i lose my momentum, due to random events/errands i have to run, i lose the momentum for the whole day. i really have no time anymore. i lost the first week as i was sick. i'll be losing my 4th week cos of my placement. and i'll be losing half of my last week cos im going to amsterdam. however, all these have not made me work harder at all. i am just so slow and i dont know how i'll make it on time. wait, will i even make it? seriously, for the crazily high school fees that i pay, i ought to justify that by my hard work. but no. im lazy, procrastinate, and just plain daft. is this the 'waking up' period?
I remember during my exams and a level times, there are a few certain stages that i go through. 1) slack and be really slow and lazy 2) start to realize and panic 3) panic attack 4) learn lesson and start studying hard 5) study real hard 6) get burnt out. gosh im a really bad student. thank god no one reads this place and realizes what a bad student i am.
I like the comfort and privacy of my room. but its this comfort that makes me want to sleep and laze around. so i tried going to the library. in the libraries, you work really hard cos everyone is doing so. its kinda motivating, except that you have to fight for a place, where everyone is hogging it. and you get really burnt out after awhile. gosh. i see everyone studying real hard now. and when i compare myself, i pale in comparison.
sorry for the above ranting. i bet nobody is really interested anyway. so anyway, on a side note and something more cheery, i have been doing a lot of online shopping. some of the things are nice, while some are disappointing. i bought a fan-heater too. then i realised i prob wont need the heater since there's gonna be one in my house next year. and speaking about houses, i am so pissed off/frustrated about it. everyone seems to find theirs really easily. my friend and i have been working so hard but nothing seems to go well. are our expectations too high and are we too picky? seriously, my other friends didnt even spend as much time as we did and they got good deals. i have really bad luck in all these shit. well, fuck this shit. i'll stay under the bridge with a cardboard and stray dogs.
So many things have happened. I guess i have changed too. Everyone's changing. im not talking about any of the above anymore. After much thinking, i think, and i really hope i have, gotten over it. Its really not worth the time and effort because it will never work or be reciprocrated. i really give up on this matter. this whole topic has just screwed my mind up. whatever, seriously, whatever. i am over it!
okay i think im just being moody cos of the things that have been happening recently. and please bear with it, cos im in the exam phase, where you see me degenerate into a pissed-off/whiny/shitty-ass old bitch.
wait for me till the exams are over? i really cant wait for the touring, meeting of friends (hear's a holla to my singaporean 1st year med students going on their euro trip). i really cannot wait to step back into singapore, my own nice house, my comfortable room. i really want to talk and irritate my parents and have them treat me like a baby. i cannot wait to go back to familiar surroundings with familiar people, like my friends and relatives. the small things, like the food, my fav bus route, my fav supermarket, my fav hangouts... i really cant wait to go back.
but to reach the end, you'll have to go through some obstacles first. for now, i guess my biggest obstacles would be the (stupid) housing issue, and most importantly, the EXAMS!! which i dont know whether i'll survive it or not. seriously.it also doesnt help that i'll miss my birthdays for 3 years, esp the all important 21st birthday. oh how life sucks...
catch ya'll another time, when im so bored i can be bothered to blog to a life-less community of population zero.
